Tag Archives: integrity

On The Manuscript Found In My Soul or A Tale Of Owning My Story

Story

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
Brené Brown

I’m trying to figure out my own story – to own my story.  It’s not easy.  Sometimes, it’s even agonizing.  Our stories have this unique quality and ability to create connection and understanding of who we truly are. The better you are at owning your story, the more peaceful and meaningful your life is.

Why is this agonizing at times?  If you’re truly honest about self-exploration during your journey, you will come across many aspects and traits about yourself that you will find difficult to accept.  You must learn to embrace your shadow.  Your shadow is those aspects of self that are kept hidden in the dark and out of awareness.  Many of these aspects of self have great holds on your life and actually dictate your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions.  A metaphor would be a hidden cave in which you keep those parts of yourself that, on an unconscious level, you prefer to avoid or ignore. The shadow includes your deepest fears, shames, regrets, judgments, core beliefs, unconscious contracts/vows, “truths” about life, about others and yourself, as well as your greatest power, your beauty, your sacred and divine self.  In other words, the Shadow includes all these things about yourself that “you don’t know that you don’t know” or those things that sit in your subconscious.

The most powerful part of ‘owning’ our story is speaking about the those pieces that make us feel embarrassed or ashamed. Bringing our greatest weaknesses out of the dark and into the light.  If we are lucky, there is a certain catharsis in doing so, the sense of a burden being lifted.

Shadow

It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster.
Carl Jung

What I’ve discovered is I’ve lost touch with who I’m meant to be, what is in my heart, and what I want.  I’ve conformed and I’m not living the life I desire. That wise sage Bette Midler once said, “My greatest fear is being trapped in a show not of my own design.”  I get it.  By owning my story, I put my name to it — I design it. I become the author and with that I take the role of protagonist; I own it.

If I’m not owning and authoring my story then who is?  That is the question …

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On Them Who Lie A Little To Buy A Little … or A Tale Of Why Personal Accountability Is So Cool

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy. I remember this statement from Miss Green in first grade catechism and from years of being a Cub Scout and later a Boy Scout. Living a truthful life should be the goal for all people. Sadly, we live in a world where on a daily basis we experience crafty, cunning and untrustworthy advertising, business people, religious leaders and politicians. Underhanded, devious practices are revealed on the nightly news and cheating the system is encouraged as innocently as cutting in line at the school cafeteria.

Have we lost the trait of being accountable? What would someone say about your accountability? Has it become so commonplace to embellish everything we say?

Accountability says you are responsible for your actions. The willingness to be accountable for what you do, what you don’t do or refuse to do is a significant trait of your character.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to help make myself more accountable to me.

Unaccountable people have every excuse in the book. They tend to blame others, complain, put things off and do the least amount of work necessary. I should know, for I was unaccountable for quite some time.  It was the easy way out and I was more than willing find any way out.

Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.  It is up to you to give life a meaning.
Jean-Paul Sartre

If you are going to be successful in life you must embrace what contributes to your life, repel what detracts from it, and to accept responsibility for everything in it. If you are personally accountable then you accept the consequences of your actions, words, and decisions, regardless if the outcome is important or significant.

So what are the steps we need to take to make ourselves accountable?

  • Stop shaming and blaming: We can learn to see shame or blame as excess baggage and just set them aside. We could acknowledge and even regret our mistakes and shortcomings while accepting ourselves completely. We can begin working with our list of weaknesses by celebrating them. The more successful people are, the more likely they are to be open to looking at their flaws. We can love and accept ourselves and still work really hard to change ourselves.
  • Tell the truth. Everybody messes up sometimes. Lying about it or trying to cover it up always makes it worse. Remember Richard Nixon? Bernie Madoff?  Pinocchio? Need I say more? Save yourself some time and tell the truth.
  • Forgive yourself — one powerful way to move from shame to acceptance is to forgive ourselves. Before practicing new skills and new ways of being, it’s wise to clean house. We don’t need to beat ourselves up before we re-invent ourselves. We can be totally honest with ourselves and, at the same time, be gentle. While admitting our mistakes, we can treat ourselves with care. After all, everyone makes mistakes.
  • Let go of the past, but learn from it — we can focus on what we have learned from our past, without getting caught up in repeating our mistakes. The past is over. There is nothing you can do to change the past. The past is useful in showing us things we do not want to repeat and in exploring lessons we have learned that can be helpful in creating change in the future.
  • See the connection between strengths and limitations: Most people place strengths and weaknesses in separate, unrelated categories. Another way to perceive them is as being closely related. Often the things about ourselves that we label as weaknesses are simply examples of taking our strengths too far. A person with a passion for organization can become obsessed with details and lose sight of overall goals. A person who listens well may forget to speak about his own thoughts and feelings. The point is to remember that our assets and liabilities may all be part of the same personal account.
  • Police yourself – you are accountable for your actions even if nobody holds you accountable — or nobody catches you.
  • Look to yourself first — if there is trouble, look in the mirror. Ask yourself, “What is the problem?” and “What am I doing — or not doing — and how can I help to solve it?”

Stop blaming and start aiming.
Rob Liano

Personal accountability is sorely lacking and urgently needed. Accountability is not just a mindset but a skill set that everyone can learn and should master. Choose accountability and own it. You will always come out on top.

Each moment of each day, you have the choice to be personally accountable and in control of your destiny. Can you push yourself more? Do you have the internal drive to go the extra mile? Do you exceed expectations because you have to or because you want to?

If you answered yes, then you will agree that personal accountability is marvelous.

Bhole Babaji ki Jai!